When I first found out I was pregnant with Vivi, I figured I would just home school her for kindergarten and send her to school in first grade. And this was the plan, until she turned three.
It was then that she informed me that Lily and I were great and all, but that she’d really like some friends her own age that would play games with her non-stop and not say stuff like, “Oh, God. Do we have to act out the story with the stuffed bears AGAIN?” or “Blaggle plaggle?” (You can determine which was said by me, vs. which was said by Lily.)
Anyway, the long and short of it is this: Vivi is going to school in two weeks. Cue the clutching of pearls and packing of snacks.
“Who likes Goldfish crackers? I hope you do, because that’s what you’re getting!”
I personally LOVED elementary and high school. I hated university, aside from the actual classes themselves, but there you go. (I loved the working world, so I don’t know what the hell university’s problem was. Maybe the specific university I went to? Looking at you, York U.)
There are a few things I want to share with Vivi – lessons I learned when I was in school that I hope will help her go far, be a star, do hugs, not drugs and remember that gang membership is not desired nor required.
Keeping in mind, of course, that I went to school in the ‘hood in the eighties and nineties.
But I’m sure the lessons are still relevant.
Somewhat.
Somewhat relevant.
Ahem. Onward!
Lesson 1: Sleep is important. Get lots of it!
“I should go to bed earlier. I am SO TIRED. Lindsay said once that we should have beds in class instead of desks. I think I’m inclined to agree.” – Jess, age 12
Beds in class? That would be kind of rad. Although I 100% would’ve slept through every single math lesson ever. It was hard enough to stay awake in an uncomfortable desk. If I had a pillow of any kind, I would likely still not be able to do basic long division.*
Instead of beds, my grade 7 teacher said it would be better if he could electrify each desk and had a control panel at the front of the room. He would be able to hit a button if someone was daydreaming and shock them back into paying attention. I thought it was an extreme idea when I was a student in his class, but when I had a grade five class of my own to corral, I kind of saw his point. Good thinking, Mr. Whillans. Good thinking. Patent that idea before I steal it.
Lesson #2: Wash your damn hands. All damn day. And Purel non-stop.
“I think I’m sick again. My ears are plugged up, my throat is sore. Goddamn it, why are kids so germ-filled?! ” – Jess, age 22
That particular year was insane. That’s really the only way to explain it. I tutored two awesome kids, I volunteered at my old school, working with grade four students and kids in a diagnostic kindergarten class. I also volunteered in a preschool classroom one morning a week (as a ‘community involvement’ part of one of my courses) and I practice taught on Thursdays. Also, I had to do the classes for my psych degree, and the rest of my B. Ed courses when I wasn’t doing all those other things. And I also had friends and family and other people who expected me to, you know, be awake when we hung out.
The long and short of it: I was sick. A LOT. Mostly because I wasn’t getting enough sleep and I was exposed to EVERY SINGLE GERM IN CREATION. Kids are germy. Very, very germy. And, by my quick calculations, I was seeing (counts on fingers), somewhere in the area of 60 kids a week. And you can guarantee that at least one or ten had some sort of hacking-coughing-eye-runny-snot thing going on. So my advice to Vivi is this: TOUCH NOTHING AND NO ONE! WASH YOUR HANDS ALL DAY LONG! DON’T BRING HOME LICE OR STOMACH FLU. SERIOUSLY. I WILL LOSE MY ISH.
Ahem.
I mean, “Keep your hands off your face and out of your mouth, hon. Just try your best to keep them clean. And I was serious about the stomach flu and lice. DO NOT. I JUST CAN’T.”
Speaking of head lice, that was my mother’s one school rule. Not “Do your homework every night.” Not “Don’t forget to study, kids.” Nope. Just…”Don’t get head lice. Seriously. I will kill you.”
“Head lice equals death! Head lice equals DEATH! Do NOT try me!”
And so, even when the entire school had head lice (I kid you not, it was probably, like, 3/5 of the student population), Kenneth and I remained lice-free. Because it was that or death.
“Dude, I think she’s serious about killing us over head lice. We should stay away from everyone forever.”
Life Lesson #3: If you really don’t want to do something, don’t do it. Especially if it’s an extracurricular and you think that you SHOULD do it just to fit in or something ridiculous like that. Also, don’t be a prefect.
“Thank GOD my ski day was canceled. I did NOT actually want to go. I just hope it’s not rescheduled.” – 13 year old Jess
Spoiler alert, non-sporty Jess! It was rescheduled and you were a terrible skier (see: here). I don’t know what possessed me to sign up for ski day. It was optional, and I should’ve opted out. Maybe I was stoked to miss a math test, maybe I hoped to uncover a hidden sports skill, maybe I just figured I’d spend the day in the lodge, drinking hot chocolate and doing crossword puzzles (probably that one). I have no idea. Mostly, I didn’t go for stuff like this. I just joined clubs that I loved. I was a hard core band geek, I was a pretty awful actor in a few plays, and I was the agony aunt and editor of the newspaper for a few years. Non-sporty things. Sitting down things. Things I liked doing. There were, however, two instances where I joined clubs that I strongly hated.
Instance the first: I was in ninth grade and figured I should belong to something other than band. (Note: band was the bomb shnizzle and I quickly realized that it was full of wonderful people and it was, by far, the best club I’ve ever belonged to. Band geeks unite!) The club I joined was…wait for it…Environment For All. It was meant to be some kind of ‘let’s save the earth by recycling and not littering’ deal. Except it was run by two girls who couldn’t agree on ANYTHING EVER. They spent the vast majority of each meeting arguing. (The meetings, by the way, consisted of them, myself, another girl in my grade and, like, the kid who was trying to finish a lab report in the classroom where we held the meeting.) So absolutely nothing was accomplished, and I ended up with indigestion every Tuesday and Thursday at lunch because after all the in-fighting, I had about 5 minutes to snarf my sandwich and book it to French. Laaaaame.
“I hate AIR pollution the most!” “Well I hate LITTER more, and you’re a MONSTER!”
Instance the second: I was a prefect. An effing prefect. Initially, I thought it was an honour to be asked to join. You know, ‘only the best’ kind of thing. But in reality, it was a clique. And also? ‘prefect’ is code for ‘sucker who does the crap jobs that no one else wants.’ It was also a scheduling nightmare. Especially for those of us in the band. We performed at most occasions, which were also times that prefects were required to sell drinks and snacks and take coats and…I don’t know. Get locked in stairwells? That happened a lot. Anyway, I always ended up doing prefect work wearing a band skirt on the bottom** and a gigantic prefect sweater ***over top. I hated it. I wanted out. But it seemed that once one was a prefect, one could not escape the cult. So, instead of escaping, my friends and I ended up doing stuff like this in order to make ourselves feel better. Interestingly, being a prefect almost got me killed one night! But I’ll tell that horrible story another time! Next lesson, STAT!
“Please kill me. Also, would you like a Coke for $1.00? Maybe a floornut?”
Life Lesson #4: When it comes to friends, look for people who make you laugh, keep your spirits buoyed, challenge you to think, and are as drama-free as possible.
“Thank goodness for good people. I’ve been lucky to have some of the best in my life. My friends are absolutely amazing.” – Jess, right now
Oh, Vivi. You wear your heart on your sleeve, and you want to be a friend to all. This is a tough combination. Trust me, I know from personal experience. Go into every situation with an open mind and a positive spirit, my love. But guard that heart of yours. Don’t just give it away to anyone and everyone. Those who are worthy of it will become obvious. I have been exceptionally lucky. My friends are family, and I love my peeps fiercely. I can only hope you are as fortunate. Many of my friends have been in my life since high school. Heck, Auntie Stephy has been along on this ride since we were seven. Aside from avoiding drama, here’s my friendship advice: Don’t ever take your friends for granted, don’t turn your back on them when the going gets tough, and do your very best not to let them down.
And if you end up with a fake friend, end it. You’ll find the good peeps. Don’t stick with someone who treats you badly. Ever. Because Mama is from the ‘hood. So. You know. Hold my earrings (pulls hair back into ponytail, cracks knuckles). Mama will handle things.
“Mama gonna run tings!”
Life Lesson #5: Grades are important, yes, but mostly use your school career to figure out what you love, what you want to do when you get older, and what you definitely do NOT want to do.
“The music room was a lot of fun. And English. But I could’ve done without math. Dear God, I hate math. So much. And gym. If only I could replace all of those horrible subjects with more music and English. And maybe something crafty.” – Jess, age 14
Here’s the thing, Vivi: I know you’re a smart kid. I’m not just saying that as your super-biased mom (although I am that, too). I know you’re brilliant. So you can’t come home with crappy grades or half-done projects. That just won’t fly. But I also know that you’ll probably have some subjects you don’t love. Just do your best, dear. And as for gym? Yeah, I kind of figure you’ll have issues there. You’re, how shall I put it? Fairly clumsy and uncoordinated. And we’re working on it. We really are. You love your dance class and you enjoy all the running around and climbing we do in the backyard and at the park. But I see in you the same kind of issues I had with spatial skills. As in, you don’t have many. So maybe it’ll take you 39 throws to hit a baseball in gym, and perhaps that will sour you on the experience. Or maybe not! Every time we talk about gym, I really fake enthusiasm as much as I can. Through gritted teeth. Because I HATED GYM.
Ahem.
What I’m trying to say is this: enjoy yourself. School is a very brief part of your life, overall. It’s a time to learn as much as you possibly can and figure out what it is that you’re passionate about. What makes you happy and what makes you curious. What you’ll want to pursue after you’re done elementary and high school. If I had to guess right now, today, about what you’ll end up being (career-wise, that is), I’d say:
- Dentist. You always say you want to be a dentist, so I figure you will be.
- Writer. You are full of stories and you absolutely LOVE hearing other people’s tales of…just about everything. I’ve never met another child who constantly begins a sentence with “Tell me a story about…” All day long.
- Artist of some kind. You draw exceptionally well for someone your age.
Sadly, I don’t think ‘engineer’ is on this list. Maybe Lily will do that and make your baba’s dream come true.
Or maybe not.
The point is, you’re going to do great stuff, kiddo. I know kindergarten seems like a HUGE first step. It is. But you’re going to love it and they’re going to love you, after the initial confusion wears off. And no matter what, I’ll always be waiting for you at the end of the day with a snack, a listening ear, and a lifetime of advice that you’re not going to listen to anyway.
I love you, baby girl. Happy kindergartening.
-Mama
PS: I act like this is all cool and NBD, but inside I’m freaking the eff out. How did my baby end up at an age where she could legit go to school? It’s insane. I’m going to totally sob the whole way home from dropping her off and console myself with a large coffee and extra-large cookie. Seriously. Kindergarten. How did that happen so fast?
*Which I can totally do as long as it’s one number into a multiple digit number, and not one of those crazy multiple digit numbers into even larger numbers questions. Those are still iffy. I think I was away for that unit. Probably because I was sick.
**The band skirts were called ‘curtains’ because they were long and resembled curtains. And also because they were made of old curtains.
***All prefect sweaters seemed to come in ‘large’ ‘extra large’ ‘unflatteringly large’ and ‘muumuu.’ No one’s sweater fit them properly. No one’s.
Pink Ink Days 